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Will
you yield in the direction of least resistance the next time you have the chance?
In most cases relapses occur not because the person was overpowered by unbearable
forces, but because the first lapse did not seem like a really bad idea at the
time.
Escaping addiction appears straightforward enough. At first, the addicted person
clearly understands that the addiction is a bad deal and has vowed to change, and fully
expects to energetically resist lapsing at future high risk times. Sadly, by the
time [s]he encounters the high risk situation everything has changed.
Motivation is not fixed. What was strongly abhorrent at one moment may be
strongly attractive at another [see The Soul Illusion].
Changes in appraisal may occur so fast and so subtly that traps which are obvious to
you now, will be invisible at the critical moment. To guide your own path, you must
recognize diverting influences before it is too late!
Since hindsight is better than foresight, study your history - look for warning
signals - events that have preceded previous relapses such as certain cognitive events.
Listed below are some of the classic warning signals.
Cognitive Events
- Goal Oriented - Permitting a lapse will help achieve some goal.
- Example: "The addictive behavior will help me relax and perform well in this
social situation."
- Anticipatory - Attention to the immediate pleasurable aspects of the lapse, while
ignoring its delayed painful consequences [often accompanied by minimization].
- Example: "It would feel so good."
- Minimization - Underrating the negative consequences of a lapse; ignoring the
painful lessons of past lapses.
- Example: "I'll just have a little, it won’t cause a problem."
- Why questions - Posing a "why" or "why not"
questions with the tacit understanding that if you can’t answer it at the moment you
have license to lapse.
- Example: "Life sucks anyway, so why not?"
- Reactance - Counter-regulatory motivation in reaction to restriction of a
freedom.
- Example: "Other people enjoy this incentive, why
can’t I? I’ll do what I want!"
The Egyptian River
Denial is the stealthiest of them all. The chain of events that leads to
relapse often begins and unfolds all by itself - autonomously - without rationalization or
justification [see The Study of Paths].
You will be in greatest danger of falling into "Da Nile" whenever your
cognitive resources are unavailable. The mnemonic HALT refers
to some situations which tax cognitive resources and thereby make one vulnerable: Hungry,
Angry, Lonely, or Tired. If
you fail to recognize these first tier warning signals, you will be approaching the final
links of the relapse chain.
Last Lines of Defense
- "Look at me!" - If the incentive captures your attention, you must
recapture it without delay. Any thought or image of the incentive - or people,
places and things associated with it - reduces the psychological distance between you and
the first lapse. Attending to the incentive is always a warning signal
- consider:
- Apparently Irrelevant Decisions - Attraction to activities that are
seemingly unrelated to the addictive behavior, but decrease the distance between you and
the incentive.
- Thinking about circumstances in which it might be OK to use the incentive.
- Debating with yourself about lapsing.
- Imagining how it would feel to re-experience the addictive incentive. {Note: Dreams
about the incentive are not warning signals, and may in fact promote long-term recovery}.
- The door is open – At first there was no question about adhering to the
commitment. But at some point the door to the first lapse has become open.
While there has been no conscious decision to renege on the "no exceptions"
commitment, something has changed. If you allow the door to remain open, you will
surely lapse. You must close the door immediately and firmly. This is your
last chance to rescue victory from the jaws of defeat.
Redirecting attention to
the original commitment may not seem heroic at the time, which is why mindful behavior is
so exceptional. Engaging in an effortful coping tactic during the ordinary
experience of real time may seem forced, weird, or unspontaneous. Of course it is.
The default path - the one that seems natural - is lapsing. To escape
addition you must over-ride these autonomous tendencies and wear in a path that produces
more pleasure and less pain.
Personal
Consultation
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"It is the enemy whom you do not recognize who is
the most dangerous"
- Fernando Rojas.
If you want the future to be different from the past, study the past
- Spinoza
"Hell is discovering the truth - too late"
- John Locke
That which deceives us and does us harm also undeceives us and does us good.
- J. Roux
Even thinking about wickedness is already the beginning of wickedness.
- Confucius
The safest road to hell is the gradual one - The gentle slope, soft under foot,
without sudden turnings, without milestones, without sign posts.
- C. S. Lewis
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